They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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