she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
