Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
