yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
why is half of my head shaved?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
