Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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