Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
