So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
