wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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