Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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