sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
