it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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