This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
