Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
