I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
