my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
