She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
