...so i touched it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize