just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
