i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
