brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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