I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
