Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
