He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
