Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
