i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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