matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
