How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
