after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
