in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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