I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
