That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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