my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
