You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
