please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
me + whiskey = a bad person
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
