First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
false alarm, still single
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