thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
