As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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