Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Less talking, more tequila
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
