No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
