I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
