And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize