they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
