I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Soap is not a condiment
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
