trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
