She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
