operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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