5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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