Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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