Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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