I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How's work?
Spinning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
