Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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