My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
pray to the hookup gods
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
