We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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