i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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