Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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