Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
