So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
