i permit you to call me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize