i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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