his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
