My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
