I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
