Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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