Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
