We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
