I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
