Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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