Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
