my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
