It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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