theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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