She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
