I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
