my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
