put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
