is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
