Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
