Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize