I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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