so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
