C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
