yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
