You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
