Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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