No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
