Having a random hookup so left but love u
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
