Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
