remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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