i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
