but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I supernannyed him into submission
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
