Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
