dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
