I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
