i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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