I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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